jus....cant remember to forget her

I am breathing heavily.... almost panting...
My ears are turning red....... this usually happens when I am scared.....
i feel something wet crawling down my spine to the lower back...... probably fear......i am precipitating......
my calves and ankles shaking vigourously...... its like the feeling when I try to walk after a heavy squat.....
yes! coz I MISS HER TODAY......aaahhh!!!.....what a clichéd line... all the pain, the tears, the nights spent staring the ceiling..... all cocooned inside......you don’t get the pain....... do you????.....no!........you don’t...... so just let me serve you this inedible delicacy.

I am sitting on that couch where we had those long fruitless discussions in those small conversations over God, religion,career, love and sex........Today....... I sit on that couch with my forehead in my palms.......my fingers trying to pull apart strands of hair from my head......the pain goes unnoticed..... why?...huh...you ll know.....my teeth are battling themselves and my eyelids are pressing against each other....

resemblance then and now"fruitless"


neways my eyelids are pressing hard against each other just trying to bullshit all those memories that I am seeing with these closed eyes and just then.... a memory or two escapes from those eyes and on to my cheeks.......one centimetre.....down one more.... and one more.....and with every unit of distance they cover they push me back in life several units....... if there is one.....

Now the pain..... I feel it......i open my eyes.... blood on my hands.... flowing to the knees...................................... I cut my wrists.......................but not coz I am running away from you or myself and neither is it a sign of cowardise..... butttt.... is an opportunity for my soul to survive.....my pride to live..... my honour to battle it all out.........
oh!! fuck!! fuck!! I cant write no more the bleeding is making me weak and dizziness is getting on me......my body feels cold and my lips are getting dry...... just like..... when you kissed me the first time........you saw me in the eyes and I did not know what to do coz I could not think nething apart from those eyes......you came closer and I could feel that unrhythmic breath of yours on my face ......you veiled those beauties and i closed mine..... and then I felt your lips pressing against mine...your fingers just below my ears....my hands moving up your sweaty back.....and you melting away....slowly......damn!!! could have lived that moment forever....but..... but..... but...... I guess my time is ovea.....adios or better as I say hasta luego.